Salami Slammers

  

                            

Accompanied with “Night Visions” by Imagine Dragons

A brief history

The following set of ingredients has captured my attention since I was a kid, back when I used to order the #9 at my local deli: Salami, Pesto, Mozzarella on a wedge (what NYC people call subs). Recently, I’ve been imagining different ways to bring these three simple ingredients together because when the three of them merge, miracles start to happen.

A brief history

I first heard of Imagine Dragons about a month ago, but I’d never heard a single song by them prior to purchasing the album a few days ago. Is “Night Visions” a good CD? Sure. It’s fine. Is it going to change my life in a meaningful way? I doubt it. More details will follow. 

My goal

I’m going to be highlighting various aspects of the CD, and hopefully I’ll end up with as many highlights as there are steps to the recipe.

What you’ll need:

1 lb salami

Mozzarella Cheese

Crescent Rolls

Pesto

Various common kitchen items

Preheat the oven to 375

Step 1: Take about 3/4 lb of Salami and slice it up into small chunks.

Highlight 1: The first song, “Radioactive,” begins with some pleasant, folksy guitar strumming and some chanting in the background. But before it turned into a Fleet Foxes-like bore of a song, out of nowhere a foghorn starts blaring and they drop a pretty sick beat, adding an electronic dimension to the song that I wasn’t expecting at all. 

Step 2: Take about ½ of the sliced up Salami, add 2 tablespoons of Pesto, and mix together in a bowl. Notice the other ½ of the Salami behind the bowl. Each bowl will be approximately enough filling for one tube of Crescent Rolls.

Highlight 2: The second song, “Tiptoe,” starts off at a frenetic pace and never really lets up. I imagine hearing this at a concert and just seeing a wave of people jumping up and down. Really cool song.

Step 3: Cut up about ½ of the Mozzarella Cheese into little cubes. This will be all the cheese you’ll need, you can save the rest for another time.

Highlight 3: Ok. I lied. I’ve heard the third song, “It’s Time,” but I didn’t know it was them. It definitely has an anthem-like quality to it. Yelling, chanting, etc. They even break it down to a point where there’s nothing but singing and clapping! I love a good breakdown. Clearly the album was based around this song.

Step 4: Open a tube of Crescent Rolls, take out a triangle, stretch that baby out and pack in the ingredients. Approximately 1 tablespoon of Salami/Pesto and 3 cubes of cheese should be good.

Highlight 4: The whimsical fifth song, “On Top of the World” is kind of fun, but I can sense this album is starting to slip.

Step 5: This is not cosmetically perfect but it’s the basic idea. Fold the two ends of the roll in, and fold the top down over the bottom. The more dexterous your fingers, the better this will look.

Highlight 5 (and I’m kind of stretching here): The 10^th track, “Underdog.” Different sound, a lot of random noises scattered throughout the song. Kind of reminds me of playing Mario on Gameboy, which I’m gonna call a good thing.

To recap: One bowl of the Salami/Pesto mixture and ¼ lb of Mozzarella Cheese will be good enough for 8 Crescent Rolls. Toss them into your preheated oven for about 15 minutes.

After 15 minutes, they should look like this. When the cheese is visibly melted and the rolls start to turn golden brown, they are done. Let them sit for 5-10 minutes before eating.

Final Count

About 1/4 – 1/3 lb of Salami, 2 tablespoons of Pesto, 1/4 lb of Mozzarella Cheese and one tube of Crescent Rolls will yield 8 Rolls. How many of these to make will depend on what you are making them for. For example, I ate 4 of these for lunch and was pretty full, but if you are making them for a party or something, 1-2 rolls per person should be enough.

Final Review

My biggest problem with the CD was tracks 6-9. They were four very, very generic tracks. I also found the lead singer’s voice pretty freaking boring. To explain this I’ll use a visual.

On the left you have a Crescent Roll stuffed with salami and mozzarella cheese. Would this taste good? I’d imagine it would. That’s “Night Visions” as it currently exists: good, but nothing special. Now let’s say you took Imagine Dragons and replaced their lead singer with someone like Karen O (Yeah Yeah Yeahs) or Dolores O’Riordan (The Cranberries). One of those two ladies would take this band’s sound to a higher level, which is what the pesto does for these Salami Slammers. Know what I’m sayin?  

  

Posted by JS